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So the whole day Sunday I was on bed rest because of how much blood I lost..couldn't even get up to go pee. The hospital room only had 1 other bed which I was grateful for. The woman next to me gave birth about 12hrs after me but unlike me, she was able to see her baby straight away and when I heard her newborn come in and start gurgling and crying and whatnot, the tears just flowed out. I was SO sad and miserable that I couldn't hold Natalie in my arms let alone see her.. I could literally feel the pain of not being able to be with her and I couldn't stop crying until I fell asleep from exhaustion.

The next day, Monday, I was able to take a little trip down to pediatrics to see Natalie with my mum. She was still in the incubator and still looking a bit tired.. We're only allowed 30mins of the day to see our baby while they're in pediatrics which is nothing but I guess it's better than not being able to see them at all. On Tuesday Natalie was doing a lot better and drinking more milk that the doc in charge of her told me if she's doing just as good Wednesday and her blood test results are good, she can come up to be with me. It was the best news ever!!! On Wednesday I woke up so excited and was pumping my breast milk (I finally started milking on Tuesday so started pumping milk every 3hrs to feed Natalie) when the doc came up and told me Natalie had run a fever all night and her blood test results came back showing that she had some type of infection... So she was put back into the incubator and of course, it was impossible for her to come join me. That just did it. I started crying like hell right then and there. I was so excited to see her and be with her and hold her and breast feed her and sleep with her and just like that my excitement was taken away. That day was perhaps the hardest day I had and I couldn't stop crying once again until I fell asleep. I woke up with the puffiest eyes lol. Also going through my mind at this point was guilt and feeling like I didn't do my best when delivering.. I kept thinking "what if I had pushed even harder so Natalie could come out just a little faster?? What if I could breathe just a bit more oxygen so she could get more?? what if what if what if..." and I felt so bad about all of it that at one point I was feeling quite depressed and low.

On Thursday the doc said her blood test results were fine but he wanted to keep an eye on her a bit longer and so she wouldn't be able to leave with me on Friday. Once again that broke my heart, but I didn't cry this time. I felt like there was no point in beating myself up and had to stay strong for Natalie, so I left the hospital after seeing her on Friday and went home. Even at home I was pumping my milk every 3 hours, making sure I woke up during the night to do so as well, and having mum deliver fresh milk to the hospital. She has been such a big help I couldn't have done any of this without her or my sister. I'm so glad I came back to Japan to be with my family for my first baby, I can't imagine what sort of condition I would be in if I was in Australia. Like I mentioned in my earlier blog, it's normal for anyone who has just given birth to stay in hospital for at least a week but I wonder if they would have kept me in hospital that long if I were in Australia? I definitely needed the week to recuperate and have the midwives check on my and make sure everything was okay.

I didn't know anything much about the uterus shrinking back into its original size and how some women feel pain when this happens, plus the bleeding that accompanies it. My sis said it hurt heaps for her but for me it was quite painless which was great because after all that I went through during deliver and the afterbirth I wasn't ready for more pain. They also helped me massage my breasts so that I could start producing milk for Natalie, they made sure my blood pressure was normal and that I didn't run a fever. I also saw my doctor twice where he checked that everything was normal and healing properly down there. It made me feel very well taken care of and confident that I had nothing to worry about and even if I did, they were around 24/7 for me to ask them questions. They fed us traditional Japanese meals three times a day. Rice for breakfast, lunch, and dinner with miso soup and fish. Only got served meat once and that was chicken in a vegetable soup so it was nice and healthy. They recommend eating white rice over bread because it produces sweeter milk and more fish and vegetables compared to meat. They also say to cut back on greasy food (so obviously no burgers, chips, roasts, steaks, etc.), and also on some fruits, desserts and juice because they're high in sugar and could clog up your breasts as well as make your milk taste pooey. I tasted my own (who wouldn't??) and it was nice and sweet, I'm sure Natalie loves it ;)

All I know is that if and when Oli and I have another baby and I decide to give birth in Australia, I'll know what questions to ask and what sort of hospital to look for. I'll also be cooking a lot more Japanese food when I'm back and eating a lot healthier not only for my sake but for Natalie's. I want to make sure she has a good diet while growing up so she doesn't get addicted to nasty, greasy, unhealthy food.

The photo above is of Natalie on Sunday, May 26, the day before she left hospital :D

 


06/03/2013 12:50am

So sorry about you having the placenta not dislodging thing :-(. I'm sure you did your very best. I think nobody can imagine how hard it is to push until you get down to it. I always thought it looked kinda easy on tv. Remi said he was "pushing" with me during delivery and he couldn't hold his breath all the way. At one point I almost passed out. Did you get so fucking hungry afterwards?
My grandma kept wanting me to start Madeleine on solids even before she turned 4 months (crazy old lady) and she kept saying "Breastmilk doesn't even taste good, it's salty." Well, like you I tasted mine (hahaha) and it is sweet! Maybe the rice thing is true!
Hope you are enjoying yourself with Natalie and giving her all the cuddling you can xxxx

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